shining a light in the darkness: finding answers where there aren’t any

The raw, excruciatingly intimate and pain-filled words drifting out across a room of sorrow.  The loss of a beloved mother, wife, sister, grandmother, and friend too real to bear and too unbelievable to imagine.  A life so full of vibrancy and enthusiasm and compassion and advice snuffed out too early.  Robbed by cancer’s clammy grip.

The uncontrollable heartache and tears of despair seeping into tissues dabbed on tear-weary eyes.  The receiving line of friends, colleagues, family that extended beyond viewing hours to lay gentle goodbyes upon a lovely man, the father and grandfather, husband and teacher who touched so many lives before being laid to rest in Jesus’ arms too early.  Stolen away too soon by cancer’s vice hold.

The hidden fears and unanswered questions left behind after ambiguous diagnoses and unknown futures. The worry of a father, a husband, a son, a brother who does not yet know the day nor hour when he will return Home, but only that it will be a difficult and likely painful journey with cancer oozing into bone marrow and stealing blood cells.

The years of one major health concern upon another upon another, wreaking havoc on multiple body systems and sanity.  The choices of a life-long bachelor about whether or not it is time to finally stop fighting and to allow leukemia to be the final claimant on life.  For all of the money and things in the world cannot return good health, and the anxiety about facing the battle alone in the green chairs of a cancer ward seems almost too much to endure.

The loss of parents and spouses, of children old and young and unborn, of friends and relatives near and far who will no longer claim the empty seats at our holiday tables or ring our doorbells for surprise visits.

There just aren’t good answers to the questions, more often than not.mural-1331783_640

The separation from us, those whose desperation to reclaim life with our loved ones can oftentimes be unrivaled in its anger and wrenching and breaking.

The void that is left by the missing phone calls and unfelt hugs and special day absences, no matter the lengths we go to to symbolize the presence we long to touch and not just remember.

The bitterness of death upon the beauty of life that stains everything it touches, painfully tarnishing even the most glorious of times with the marring of loss.

Except to say that you are not alone.

The agony, the unfairness, the torment of it all is not lost on us or on the God who has also borne those same burdens…

Of anguish writhing the horrendous and far-too-early death of the beloved Son…

Of torture watching the brutality of glass-shard-whip lashings to utter exhaustion…

Of horror feeling gawks and spit and thorns of hatred stinging battered and bruised flesh…

Of misery witnessing hammer and nails shred flesh and shatter bone…

Of suffering helpless to change the course of Love even to save the Life…

Of heartache and heartbreak upon last breath.

There is no greater Love lost than to lose love incarnate.  To watch breath leave stillness.  To plead silently for time to start again.  To bargain with God or the Devil, if only…

God knows where you are, where you hurt the worst, where you hide the sorrow.

He is there too, whether you want Him or not.

Because He has been there too.

Because His Love was taken too.

Because His Love was laid down for you.


About Meredith

Hi! I'm Meredith. I'm a mom of three sweet little girls who keep me busy all the time, a wife to an amazing man who keeps me sane, and a fan of food, nature, fitness, gardening, travel, and so much more. Most especially, I'm trying to figure out how to find Faith in the every day. Because FINDING THE GOOD needs to become SHARING THE GOOD so that BEING THE GOOD becomes the calling within each of our hearts and souls and lives every single day.

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